Add war to the list of taboo topics at work

Dear Diversity Diva: I’m in the military reserves, something everybody at my job knows because of the changes to my work schedule from time to time. One of my supervisors makes anti-war comments all the time that really bother me. How should I handle this? Signed, Worked-Up Weekend Soldier

Dear Worked-Up: Sex, money and religion have always been topics best not to discuss in inappropriate places. Add the U.S. involvement in military action to that list.

Increasingly, everyone knows a loved one or an acquaintance going overseas to serve. People also have strong opinions about issues involving safety and, yes, money. And war and military action, for some, is nothing more than a topic reduced to budgetary considerations of taxpayer money.

If the supervisor has done something that makes you feel that he or she is discriminating against you on the basis of your military service — for example, doesn’t allow your seniority to accrue when you are away for training or makes you use your earned vacation for your time away for reservist duty — then you should immediately notify your human resources department. That would be a violation of federal law.

If that’s not the case, I would have a friendly talk with the supervisor and make clear that you would appreciate keeping this topic off the discussion track.

As is the case with most strong, casually expressed opinions, the supervisor may not be aware of the impact. But a supervisor should be smart enough to hear you very clearly.

Share health issues

People with health problems sometimes struggle with how much to share with their employer.

For example, an older woman who works on her feet all day and gets swollen, painful ankles may be afraid to ask her boss for a chair to sit on. And because she can’t afford to take time off, she may not get the doctor’s excuse that might require reasonable accommodation.

It’s a tricky issue of diversity in that she stands out from her younger co-workers who don’t have this problem. But an employee can’t afford to be more concerned about an employer’s reaction than his or her own health or potential disability.

Once a doctor has given a recommendation, then sitting down with the boss to come up with a job adjustment may be in order.

Extra work bugs employee

Dear Diversity Diva: I work in a department where a lot of people are taking time off from work because of kids sick with the flu. It’s just assumed that I’m going to take up the slack because my husband and I don’t have kids.

Not to be mean, but is there anything I can do? — Bugged by the Flu Bug

Dear Bugged: In a word, no.

You put the emphasis on the fact that your co-workers are missing work because their kids have the flu. But does it really make a difference if it’s because of their kids or their spouses or they themselves are home sick?

Ultimately, your workload will change from time to time because of things beyond the control of your co-workers. Just like circumstances in your life, from vacations to your own illnesses, will add to the workload of your co-workers.

If your work is involving overtime or longer hours, you can say no sometimes. And if it truly is quantifiably excessive, file it away as something to support your next raise or promotion.

Just remember they call it a flu season for a reason. So this too shall pass. In the meantime, remember that taking care of sick children isn’t exactly a trip to Disneyland, especially this year.

Is calling someone the wrong name a big deal?

Dear Diversity Diva: The other day I accidentally called a woman in another department by the wrong name and she accused me of thinking that “we all look alike,” since the person I confused her with was of the same race and I’m white. I think that was totally unfair. Everyone mixes people up on occasion, so what’s the big deal? — Tweaking My Twenty-Twenty

Dear Tweaking: Mistakes do happen, and you’re right that in a professional environment people should carefully check how they express frustration.

Most likely your co-worker’s frustration stems from having one of the many again confusing her with one of the few, because I have no doubt this isn’t the first time this has happened to her or to someone she knows. She probably thought that if you can’t keep so few people straight who only share race in common, it’s because you’re either deliberately ignorant or benignly careless.

So if she is already pointedly dealing with being one of a small number, what seems like an innocent mistake to you is a grating misstep to her — and one that minorities generally don’t feel like they have the luxury to make.

Quick rule of thumb: If a person of any race is significant enough to be called by a name at work, make sure it’s the name of the person you’re talking to.

When is it a case of unclear meaning?

Dear Diversity Diva: At a meeting, I was trying to make a point about the need for a variety of perspectives when a co-worker jumped down my throat, mistakenly thinking that I was talking about too many “white males” being on the project. The assumption ticked me off. Is that all anyone thinks you mean just because you’re a member of a minority group? — Making Sense of Assumptions

Dear Making Sense: There would have been nothing wrong if in championing different perspectives, you were including racial background. But if that’s not where you were going, it can be annoying to have to address a point you didn’t make.

Your co-worker would have been better served asking what you meant. And you should have asked him why he was reframing what you said into a completely different point.

Usually discussions like that are best held one on one, but in this case clearing it up professionally in front of the original audience would be a good tactic to nip any misconceptions. And it would set the tone for how you expect important diversity issues to be handled in your presence — which is that you don’t want the concerns you bring up to be obscured by presumptions of what people think you mean.